Memorable Joshua Gates Quotes with Sources Also included are memorable Destination Truth quotes from cast members other than Josh + Quotations from "Memoirs of a Monster Hunter" & DT Fan Radio quotes DISCLAIMER - Some quotes contain adult language!
"I can drink my own pee. I just choose not to. Because it's gross. No one wants to see it. Stop doing that, Bear [Grylls]." -Josh Gates, Destination Truth, Season 4, Episode 2
"Ah ha! The $64,000 question! No I'm not gay. But, uh, but it's fine - I don't mind being, you know, associated with that...the thing that I feel is that I'm just really comfortable with myself, and if it means singin' in the rain, then it means singin' in the rain." -Josh, Beg Borrow and Deal, Season One, Episode 3
"I put my feet in the tank, and then the fish eat my feet...and they make a new foot? Does it hurt? ...Sir, I have a question - are you a crazy person?" -Josh, Destination Truth, Season 4, Episode 2
"Sometimes, when you're this adventurous, you rip the crotch out of your pants." -Josh, DT, Season 4, Epi 6
"On a scale of 1 to Scary, I'm about to sh*t my pants." -Mike Morrell, DT, Season 4, Episode 1
"When it comes to man-on-man bunking, it's never too hot for pants." -Gabe Copeland, DT, Season 4, Epi 3
"That is an awful cup of coffee. That is the worst cup of coffee in Australia." -Josh, DT, Season 2, Epi 9
"Wait, wait, wait - I didn't hear ANY of this when the travel arrangements were made. She's at home right now, with a pizza in front of her and a cheeseburger and a bong...have you seen this place, it's like Calcutta down here! She's not comin' down here! I think there might actually be people who are dead in this bus station. There are, like, bodies laying everywhere." -Josh, Beg Borrow and Deal, Season 1, Episode 2
"Mind if I have a smoke before we start? HA! Got ya." -Josh, pre-interview with Singularity Fan Pages, Comic Con 2010 (picking up a pack of cigarettes someone else left on the table beforehand)
"Or we could just shoot her & put her down." -Josh "One less person. Trim the fat." -Casey Brummels "I can hear you, idiots!" -Erin Ryder, DT, Season 2, Epi 9 (Ryder is put on an IV for dehydration, mid-investigation)
"I'd like to apologize for all the vomiting I did that night." -Josh, DT, Season 4, Episode 7
" *laughing hysterically* We took out a pineapple!" -Vanessa Smith "Everyone okay back there?" -Josh "I lost my papaya!" -Vanessa, DT, Season 4, Episode 7 (after the Tiki hut truck hit a tree)
"Aw, welcome to Marrakech. You've got ebola!" -Josh, DT, Season 4, Episode 7 (holding monkeys on leashes)
"Nothing about this feels safe, right? Should I just not worry about that huge tear in the balloon, right there? I'm sure it's fine." -Josh "What happens if one of these cables snap?" -Mike "Shut up, Mike!" -Ali Zubik "But-" -Mike "Enjoy the view!" -Ali, DT, Season 4, Episode 7 (in a hot air balloon high above the ground)
"I'm way too big for this store. I feel like one false move and I take out, like, a thousand dollars worth of merchandise." -Josh "I don't think there IS a thousand dollars worth of merchandise, in here." -Kris Williams of Ghost Hunters on DT, Season 3.5, episode 3
"That looks like a veggie burger." -Mike "Yeah, like a patty." -Bobby Pura "What is wrong with you two?!" -Josh, DT, Season 4, Episode 7 (talking about a piece of poop on the ground)
"Let's go to rock the Casbah." -Shawn "Ah, there it is. I was wondering how long it would take." -Ali, DT, Season 4, Episode 7
"Rex, how much of the medication are you taking?" -Josh "Uhhh, not enough!" -Rex Williams, DT, Season 3, Episode 5 (Rex riding a piece of luggage on a conveyor belt simulating swimming motions)
"Hi, this is Josh Gates and you are watching Ghost Hunters Live 2010. This year, I decided to dress up as a guy freezing to death in front of a train station - I think I nailed it. I wanted to go as Lady Gaga, but the network nixed my meat bikini." -Josh, Ghost Hunters Live, Halloween 2010
"[READING OFF OF A TSHIRT]" 'New Dimensfons of Wide Variations from graceful images to ethnic tones resppeared colorfully. Everlasting & prolound taste being able to be reproduced by natural materials' ...that is the CRAZIEST shirt I've ever seen in my life" -Josh, DT, Syfy.com bonus scene (in a Japanese dept. store)
"Surprise Condoms. Surprise, you're having a baby! These condoms were made in Romania...That, I'm pretty sure, is a dead baby werewolf. Pack it up, boys, we got it! ... Sir, why are you selling dead baby werewolves in this store?" -Josh "Do we need the evidence kit?" -Jael De Pardo "Yes, we do!" -Josh "Alright." -Jael "This is very controversial that you have this, sir, you should be ashamed of yourself. Packaging a dead baby werewolf like this." -Josh, DT, Syfy.com bonus scene (in a Romanian convenience store)
"Pull my tabs." -Jael "Y'know what, I know we got an investigation to do, but daddy's trying to win a little coin over here!...Three thunderbirds, I get a $100, possibly a renewal for a new season." -Josh, DT, Syfy.com bonus scene (inside of an Alaskan gambling parlor)
"Sir, is this a roofie?!" -Josh, DT, Syfy.com bonus scene (holding a vial of "love potion" from a Shaman)
"I have no idea...rogue Turkish dance troupe, I hope you guys enjoyed it! Very rare, dangerous animals" -Josh, DT, Syfy.com bonus scene (in a Turkish restaurant when a random band with dancers barge into the place)
"This is a document that says that I am agreeing to enter Chernobyl and that basically they have no liability if I, y'know, start glowing and turn into the Incredible Hulk, right? ... This is great, Rule #23: Do not take any radioactive souvenirs out of the zone!" [crew laughs] "Look what I got!" -Bicha Gholam "How hard up for gifts do you have to be?!" -Josh, DT, Syfy.com bonus scene (going over legal documents for Chernobyl trip)
"'John. Malkovich.'" -Evan B. Stone, DT, Syfy.com bonus clip (while signing his name on Chernobyl legal doc)
"Mike, I'm dying. I'm gonna need to pass the torch to the next generation of monster hunter. This is it for me." -Josh "It's too soon, it's too soon." -Mike "I've had a good run! [pretending to cry] I've had a good run, Mike!" -Josh "My advice would be just giving it an injection, just one injection, get it out of the way. Take up less time. Same reaction you get from it, same benefit." -Rex "Where does the injection go?" -Josh "It goes into your butt." -Rex "God, it's never easy, or pleasant. God, why can't it ever just be easy?!" -Josh, DT, Syfy.com bonus scene (Josh has a fast moving infection in his leg in a Romanian forrest)
Quotes from DT Fan Radio (Listen/download episodes HERE):
"I have a very troubled relationship with Guitar Hero." -Josh, March 23 2010 episode
"What is the WORST episode of Destination Truth?" -Josh "Ohhh, God, why?! Um-" Me (Amanda, DT Fan Radio host) "You, why?! Because you told me to ask questions! I'm just doing what I was told!" -Josh, March 10 2011 episode
Chapter One, "Memoirs" Since there aren't exactly nonstop commercial flights leading directly to the doorsteps of the world's most enduring mysteries, I've made a career, such as it is, out of flying on board the planet's most laughably derelict aircraft. But even by my admittedly lax standards, this plane is a piece of shit.
Chapter Two, "Memoirs" I came to Africa as something of a personal challenge. Almost exactly a year ago before this day, I looked in the mirror and decided to change who I saw looking back ... I felt older. I wasn't a kid in school anymore. I was considerably overweight, bored and generally unhappy. I tried to combat this malaise by going to the gym with some regularity. Without a specific goal, though, I slipped back into bad habits and comfortable routines. ... After a few false rises on the trail, we encounter the huge wall of glacial ice that rests atop Kilimanjaro's peak. In the far distance I spot a wooden sign and quietly begin to cry. I continue trudging forward, embarrassed that my teammates will see my tears, but I really can't contain myself.
Chapter Three, "Memoirs" Now I'm not much for sports, but I am full of bullshit. Practically invented the stuff. This project seemed right up my alley ["Beg Borrow & Deal"]. I immediately cleared my schedule of waiting tables at a steak house inside The Magic Castle, a private club for professional magicians (about which I could fill a three-volume expose)...The dry-erase board seems to have been wiped almost clean save for the title of a questionable home makeover show concocted by Neil. Written in thick blue marker are three words: "Extreme African Village." I can't even bring myself to ask, and I silently pray that this isn't the project for which I've been summoned.
Chapter Four, "Memoirs" The building is a slate-colored rhomboid block that looks about as inviting as a steel coffin. It appears infinitely harder to climb than Kilamanjaro, and for the first time I'm starting to feel extremely nervous about all of this. In the austere lobby, I proceed to the security desk to check in. The guard looks up at me and furrows his brow. For a moment I'm unsure what to make of his expression, until I realize that he thinks I might be a vagrant...I'm stinking to high hell and looking like a train hobo. he glances down at my feet, no doubt wondering if I'm going to pee on the lobby floor.
Chapter Five, "Memoirs" In flight, we slip the heavy tether of responsibility and no longer belong to the world below. We are answerable to no one. Phones cease to ring, and our distractions are few. Even Time, that constant companion, loosens his grip around us. Entire days can be wound back or skipped over at these lofty heights, as we exist merely in a world of vapor...As the device clicks on, I sense that the microphone is now alive and waiting patiently for me to feed it. My previous fear that the project would never materialize is now replaced by much more solemn anxiety. It's happening. Right now...I look down at the microphone and swallow hard. Here we go.
Chapter 19, "Memoirs" In Cambridge Massachusetts, there's a travel agency with a sign on the door that reads "Please go away. Often." More than just a catchy motto, it seems to me a rare piece of honest to God truth in advertising. A snarky suggestion that perhaps it would be best if you just left. It's a slogan I wholeheartedly support.
Any of us can overstay our welcome in our own country like a too-drunk groomsmen at a wedding. A scant 25% of US Citizens have a passport; that means that most Americans haven't seen the world's greatest monuments first hand or known the blissful anonymity of strolling exotic city streets. Most people have no idea what hummus is supposed to taste like or felt the ego busting helplessness of not being able to read a single sign at a Chinese bus station - they haven't left the country!
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